November 14, 2010

Really if you think about it, you can convert your score into fractions and multiply them to see how crazy your kids will be

Before I write this next post, I must preference it:

I talk to people until late at night. Because of work and college and other things, I usually lack the time to speak to anyone unless it's midnight or one or what have you. If we talk to each other any earlier, we talk until the time we usually start talking, or until one of us falls asleep.

Our conversations usually derail at about one in the morning because, well, I'm tired and shifting in and out of sleep. They are too, usually. All my friends are wimps.

Usually my final thoughts of the night are incomprehensible to... well, anyone, but I am proud to announce that before I fell asleep last night, I came up with a brilliant idea.

The conversation goes as follows.

Me: So how crazy are you really?

Them: On a scale of one to ten?

Me: No. A scale of one to ten is linear. Crazy isn't linear. Experiences and opinions are. I think crazy is more circular.

Them: Circular?

Me: Yes, like degrees.

Them: Okay, so how many degrees are in this crazy scale?

Me: How many degrees are in a circle? 360, right? So 360.

Them: Okay. So I'm... 45?

Me: That's not too bad. I think you're crazier than that.

Them: I don't think I understand the concept.

Me: Well, 45 is half of 90, right? And 90 is a right angle. I think your crazy is more like a right angle than half of one, don't you think?

Them: Uh...

Me: Just trust me.

Them: So then how crazy are you?

Me: Let's see. 120?

Them: That's not very much.

Me: Well, that isn't accounting for tonight. We need to add twenty points for even discussing this. So you would have 105 degrees of crazy. And I would have 135 degrees. And then I would have to add another twenty points for making this up, so I would be at 150.

Them: That math is not correct.

Me: Sure it is! You have to subtract five from the points value in order to get degrees. It's basic math.

Them: Oh, okay. But what if you have to add five points to your value, what happens then?

Me: It's not something that is crazy enough to effect your over-all crazy rating. Does that make sense? It adjusts for that kind of thing. It's a good system.

Them: So if you have zero degrees you wouldn't be crazy at all?

Me: No, I think you misunderstand. It's a circle because zero degrees really actually means 360. So if you're all the way normal, it means you're all the way crazy. Because it's not possible to be completely normal. So if you say zero, you're ignoring the obvious signs. Meaning you're crazy. You understand?

Them: I'm going to bed.

And that's how I invented the crazy scale. Tell your friends!


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